Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize