I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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