that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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