How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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