Well apparently he's into motor boating.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
