so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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