i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Randomize
