Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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