take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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