i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
