How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
vagina is talking i cant
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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