So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
