i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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