I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
