All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
