You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Semen is not good for contacts.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
