She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
