how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
