I wannas sexs uuuuu
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
