I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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