I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
