You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
