I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
