I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
