We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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