and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
