I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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