I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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