if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
