the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
