I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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