this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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