You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
