that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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