Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I think pants incapable of making pants work
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
