I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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