hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
This toilet bowl is my home.
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