before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
