my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
