Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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