i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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