the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
