i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
