I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
