By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
