its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
