Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
