Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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