Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
