I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
