You're earring is so big in my mouth
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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