he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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