fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
