before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Randomize