I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
