My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
