Got a toothbrush?
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
