i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
