he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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