I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
