The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
