I want to make a zoo with you.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
