4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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