I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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