You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
