Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
