i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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