This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
