Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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