turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
