And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
