Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Randomize
